Seven's Thoughts
by Frozen To Death
Summary: Something about how Seven thinks about her life, the crew, Janeway, and her relationship with B'Elanna.(changed some minor things)


My first attempt at a Voyager fic.I wrote it from a song, but I don't  
display the song in it(song: Linkin Park - Numb).It kinda how Seven thinks  
about her life, and how she thinks about the crew, especially about  
B'Elanna and Janeway.I don't know if much people will kinda understand the  
story because it kinda confussing.I just wrote what I thought...  
The beginning kinda sux because I started writing it for an other show  
first.

23/06/04 20.02

Modified some minor things.Italic names is who she mentions it too..get  
it?To bad if you don't but you can still read the story

By Cloud

* * *

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**Seven's Thoughts**  
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_To B'Elanna_  
I am..so tired.  
I tried... so hard.  
Will you ever love me for who I am?Will you ever be satisfied in how I want  
to act?When was the last time you smiled to me when I was rude?When I was  
myself!  
I am so tired..  
I don't wanna do this anymore.  
I did my best..the best I could.  
But I'm not enough for you.You will never except me.  
Can you ever accept me???!!!!

_To the crew_  
I...feel so lost.  
I...feel so used.  
There is no place I have left to go.Why is life so hard?!God, can someone  
please tell my why life so hard is??!!Why am I lost in this life.  
Why am I so faithless??  
Can't I be saved.  
Why did the other hybrids had the chance?Why didn't I get one reasonable  
chance??

_To B'Elanna_  
Why...did I try to please you?  
Why...?  
I don't even know what you want me to do..do you even ever wanted me  
already?Do you love?Am I mistaking?  
Can I be this stupid??!!I bet I can, you foolled me all this time!You never  
were happy when I did something for you.  
How could I be so stupid??!!

_To Janeway_  
Everything I did , you never appreciated one thing of it.  
Everything..I wanted to give for you.  
You never thanked me for anything!Yes, I know you also did a lot of things  
for me, but I always thanked you!Maybe a little late but I did it!But you  
never thanked me, everything I did was a new mistake!

_To the crew_  
People think I am rude, but that is all their own fault.First of all they  
save me without my permission.Then they try to make me human, something I  
don't even want.And when I finally am starting to accept it, they fuck up  
my life.

_To B'Elanna  
_Life is irrelevant and unlogical.Emotions are irrelevant and unlogical.But  
why do I have them then?I finally understood, but now you abandoned me, I  
forgot...

I am so tired, no not my body, but my mind.I feel so used.All this time you  
said you wanted to help me.All this time you abused me.But I shall be more  
aware of things in the future, so things like this will never happen again.

_To Janeway_  
I'm becoming whatever you want me to me, but I won't accept this, I will  
try to fight. I know I don't stand a change, but doing nothing is  
irrelevant.Everything I ever wanted was left behind, because I gave  
everything for you.My own luck thrown away for someone who hates me.

_To the crew_  
But I will try, I want to be more like myself...more like an  
individual.That's what they first asked me to be, but then she tried to  
change me in a copy of herself.I won't accept that.It is unlogical to  
become a replicate from someone else.I will me more like myself, and less  
like you.

I was to much hold back my Miss.The-First-Prime-Directive.I was afraid to  
lose control, and become like some of them.But I still can't loosen control  
to much, because when I do, it will kill me...

I won't accept it anymore, that someone tries to rule my mind.I don't want  
to be in the Captain's little collective.The first changes were hard for  
me.Finding someone who loved me, for who I was.Everytime I saw the Captain  
I saw her jealousy.Day by day she broke appart more and more.She saw me  
change...she saw me change in a person that is not like her.

But still every step I take hurts.Every member of this crew sees it as an  
mistake.But I don't mind you all.I am far more superior than you humans.I  
know I am part human, but I feel more Borg...

_To B'Elanna_  
Every second in my life hurts.You hurted me more than I can ever accept.But  
I will learn to live with it, I will adapt.I am borg and I can do this.Pain  
is irrelevant.I know it will take me down sometime, but not now.Now I have  
to adapt, to live with it.So I can find perfection.

But I know, everything can fail.There is more in this life than  
perfection.I realized that now.Maybe I was wrong, and you don't hate me,  
you didn't abuse me.Maybe I was the one who did that all to you.I was to  
blinded by my search for perfection, but now I realize, my perfection is  
you.

And now I know, you were just like me.Blinded by one goal, not seeing that  
we were hurting others.We where both wrong, and I regret that a lot.We are  
the same.People have expectings of us, but we can't make that expectings  
true.We both have friends disappointed in us.

* * *

Plz R&R


End file.
